Quiet Area

Ninguém quer ser o meu amigo

2012-02-10T20:04:00.001-07:00

My fb app has been acting up all day. It sits there and tells me I have a friend request, when in fact, I don't at all. Or do I really? It fools me every time. If you want to be my friend and I haven't said yes yet, I'm sorry. I blame it on my phone.

Obrigado por ter lendo o meu blog.

2012-02-06T17:04:00.002-07:00

I don't know how I never knew about this. K$ has enlightened my life by showing this to me.
Guys. Googlestats. According to them, people read my blog. Like people from Poland, Japan and O Brasil.
Thanks guyz.

Also, my girl Danielle has got things to say about culture, music and art--and she says them well.

Quentinho na cama

2012-02-02T23:43:00.001-07:00

Favorite part about my room? The floor heaters. Seriously. My room instantly gets roasty toasty the moment I turn them on, making me instantly joyous.
If you know me at all, you know how cold I get in the winter. Chronically cold. I pretty much count on my feet being frozen from October to April. My friendy friend Sara would always make fun of me when I would take a hot water bottle to bed with me to warm my poor toes. I picked that habit up in southern Brasil where I have never experienced a more biting cold. I have now graduated to a heating pad which is infinitely less risky to take to bed with you then a water bottle.

Ti amo amor, ti amo

2012-01-31T18:42:00.001-07:00

I am training for another 1/2 marathon-the Canyonlands marathon in Moab,UT on St. Patty's Day next month. Training for a marathon in the wintertime has got to be the most uncomfortable thing ever. On the one hand, I've never been this active in the winter. On the other, it is so freaking cold, and I hate running in the cold.

Saudades pra voltar ào Brasil

2012-01-30T08:31:00.001-07:00

In an attempt to blog more often, I have invested in a blogger app on my phone. Stay tuned for a higher frequency of leetle blog posties.

I have gotten two email/messages from former companions from the missão and it makes me miss miss miss O Brasil dreadfully.

Enjoi this picture of me in a large floppy hat as well as a hybrid silk plant:

no dia em que a gente come como os suinos.

2011-11-25T00:38:00.001-07:00

Right now, I am thankful for good family who take care of me so much, a few friends that mean a lot to me, and lots of TEA. I am thankful for that song: Come Thy Fount and Christmas music.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for that one game my family always plays together (and that I won a round of tonight): Settlers of Catan. For a desk--really it's been too long since I've had a desk--it is so wonderful; for the good night's sleep I've had two nights in a row and for stuffing (really, stuffing is one of the best foods that God ever invented).

Seriously, so blessed.

Como segurar um trabalho

2011-10-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

How to get a job--a six step process:

1. Complain about not having a real job.
2. Apply to every job you can think of.
3. Apply to the jobs you never thought of but eventually did because you already applied to all the other jobs you thought of first (like over 70).
4. Complain some more about not having a real job or having any interviews.
5. Write a blog post venting your frustrations with not having a real job.
6. Apply to a completely random job someone told you about at a clinical research facility, get a call back the next day, an interview the next day and a job offer for a full-time position the next day.

Done and done.

Bottom line: I have a real job. I start on Monday. It only took 3 months of solid complaining and a lot a lot a lot of hard work.

There's hope for me after all.

A(wo)men

EMPREGOS!

2011-10-17T21:29:00.002-07:00

Please bless...

I need a job desperately. I have a part-time nanny job, and let me tell you: nannying in Utah sucks because Utah parents are CHEAP and they want all the advantages of an experienced nanny for the hourly price of what they pay the 12 yr old young woman in their ward to watch their kids on date night. I mean, taking care of children is great. Kids are GREAT. But when the compensation is such that it hardly pays your bills then it is not worth it.

So that brings me back to the fact that I need a job desperately. I'm a young, college grad. Should be pretty easy right? Wrong. In the past month, I have EASILY applied for OVER 60 jobs. Would you like to know how many call-backs I have received? One. Out of 60.

I shouldn't be complaining right? I have a job right? Wrong. I am a COLLEGE GRAD. WHERE ARE ALL THOSE DAMNED BLESSINGS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO FLOW FOR BEING A GRADUATE OF THE LORDS UNIVERSITY. WASN'T THAT IN THE DEAL SOMEWHERE???

Sorry, I am just a little (very) frustrated. You see, I live with my parents (Living with parents can be cool for like a month or two. Read: FREE RENT. But after almost a year back home with the parental units, I am going a little bonkers. Think: I've been living 'on my own' for a while now. I want to be an adult. Living with my parents makes me feel like I am a teenager again. Plus, I want to not be living surrounded by all the boxes of "on my own" stuff that I've accumulated over the years. i.e. Pots, pans, towels, sheets, blankets, etc). I am currently going to school to be a midwife (Cool right, except for those nasty payments that get charged to my credit card every month). I work 20 hours a week that BARELY pays for my schooling, let alone gas and other expenses (And gives me no incentive to love my life).

I just want to have a job. I want to live on my own again. I want to be able to pay for my life.

Please give me an awesome job. Please QUALIFY ME FOR SUCH A JOB. Such is the plea of my generation.

Amen.

a bosque sagrado

2011-07-11T06:32:00.005-07:00

I always enjoy it when things like this show up on my wall.

Have you ever been to the Sacred Grove in Palmyra, New York, also the location of the famed Hill Cumorah Pageant (make sure your volume is turned up when you go to this link... )? Ya know, that oh-so-important place where Mormon founder Joseph Smith had his First Vision where he saw Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father and found the Golden Plates and translated the Book of Mormon? Growing up on the Eastern Seaboard, I had the opportunity to visit this site many a time with family and friends, and I'll admit that it has lost it's flare to me as a special place. This is why I wasn't very excited when JB expressed a desire to visit Palmyra to see "pageant" (not "the pageant," but just "pageant") and go to the Sacred Grove. Well, if you've never been, you should go. And this weekend we headed up to experience, what I like to call, Mormon Palooza.

JB made contact with Bob Parrot, who is the forester in charge of caring for the Sacred Grove and Hill Cumorah. We got to spend the greater part of Saturday morning with Bob walking around in the Sacred Grove. It was amazing to hear about this place that I have grown up, not only hearing about, but also visiting, from a very, very different but important perspective. I learned about it's ecological history and how it's being taken care of today. I loved the experience. Seeing the Sacred Grove as a sacred space, not because of the First Vision, but because it was already a place where you feel the spirit and character of the forest and recognize it as sacred. Bob said, and I completely agree, that Joseph chose the Sacred Grove because it was already a special place where he felt safe and loved, where he felt the Spirit.

(JB is blogging here about sacred spaces and he will be posting about his experience soon, so you should check it out.)

Oh yeah, Pageant was pretty great too. I only fell asleep once. :P

We took Rt. 20 home. Do this some time in your life. It is a beautiful drive through the Finger Lakes area and through rolling hills filled with farms, vineyards and quaint antique and Amish shops.

media social esta destruindo a minha vida social--

2011-05-16T21:53:00.004-07:00

I've been over-stimulated by social media as of late. By blogging about it I'm only proving my point. As if FB, twitter, Pinterest, reader and Instagram weren't enough, do I really need to blog? Isn't that just perpetuating the problem? But really, I don't think it's a problem. I feel like I'm finding a good balance. I've stopped using my phone when I drive. I don't bring my phone with me to the great outdoors.

I can't wait to move to the woods and cook for a bunch of foresters for the summer. Do you have any suggestions for recipes?

tenho saudades dessa menina!

2011-03-28T11:49:00.002-07:00

as vezes discurso na minha igreja

2011-02-27T21:05:00.003-07:00

I gave this talk today in my branch. Please enjoy:

Good afternoon brothers and sisters. Last week in Sunday School, we discussed Matthew 5. We recognize this chapter as Jesus’ infamous Sermon on the Mount. As we enter this chapter, we see our radical elder brother setting the record straight with his disciples as to what was expected of them from Him. I love this chapter. I believe that as Christians, it highlights our moral responsibility to put away any sort of social hierarchy and advocate love and equality among our sisters and brothers. I believe it shows us a way of living that, if implemented, would revolutionize our individual lives and communities. This chapter teaches us that salvation not only lies in our outward actions, but also with the heavier weighted inward thoughts. It teaches us how our interactions with our fellow brothers and sisters must be: full of love and less of preconceived judgments.

Alas, my talk today is NOT about the Sermon on the Mount, but I would, as a side note, recommend you to reread this beautiful manifesto and staple of the gospel by our Savior. I would, however like you to remember the closing verse of Matthew 5, where Jesus leaves us with a daunting invitation. He says that we need to “be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matt 5:48). In this case, the Greek translation of the word perfect means complete, finished and fully developed. I have often pondered this invitation. Even in my most valiant attempts, I find myself in particular to be a very selfish and prideful human; I am in no way finished or complete. What is interesting to me is that this invitation infers a process to go through rather than something we miraculously become. Sometimes the word perfect is used interchangeably with the word righteous and it is on this word that I would like to focus the subject of my talk. I wish to first discuss how we define righteousness. I would then like to categorize righteousness into three important relationships. I will then like to talk about how by nurturing these relationships we can cultivate a perfection of our very own.

First, how do we define righteousness? We call Jesus Christ the Son of Righteousness. Christ is the son of God, so we can assume that righteousness is an attribute of God. The word righteousness is a word composed of a plethora of other words: integrity, upright, just, innocent, true, and sincere. It is a moral and ethical duty to do right. When we are righteous we know our actions are pleasing to God. In the Old Testament, we understand righteousness to be a result of keeping the commandments, or doing rightly as part of a covenant relationship with God. As a person met the demands of hers or his social relationships this person was thought to be a righteous being. In the New Testament, righteousness is changed a bit with the introduction or emphasis that Christ puts on love, faith and mercy. Although the OT understanding is still recognized, faith and love for God becomes the motivating factor of doing right. As a person lives with faith in God and does His will, she or he is reckoned righteous by God.

I do not think it is very easy to be righteous and so I do not use the word lightly when I say someone is righteous—indeed, I would say that there aren’t many people in this world who I would assign this title to. For me, she or he would have to be saint-like to be deemed righteous. Perhaps that is why I think it appropriate that Christ is referred to as the Son of Righteousness, or as Righteousness himself. God is righteous because he is not only right, but because he does the right thing and because He puts right things that are wrong. Is not our purpose on Earth to “know the only true God and Jesus Christ” (John 17:3)—or to know Righteousness? Understanding what it means to be righteous is understanding eternal life and true happiness. Just look up righteous or righteousness in the Topical Guide, I promise you that you will find reference after reference saying that those who were righteous were happy. When we make righteousness become the working principle in all our relationships we develop a character like God’s.

Righteousness can be developed by doing right in the relationships we find ourselves in. There are three different relationships I would like to talk about: first, with our Heavenly Father and Mother—or God; second, with the Earth; and third with people. First, righteousness as it pertains to God and our relationship with Him. In a righteous relationship with God we are doing what is right, or we are following the commandments. We regard our relationship with God as a priority, as sacred and as real. In this regard we faithfully devote ourselves to be like God. We believe him when he says he will make us clean if we repent. I do not believe that simply following the commandments will get us an in with God though. The nature or quality of our relationship with God is a manifestation of our love and faith in him. It is a manifestation of the trust we have in him, in Christ, in repentance and grace--all that makes the Atonement real. Remember, to be perfect is to be fully developed, and our relationship with God is just one of the many we need to do right by, albeit a very important one.

Second, is our relationship with the Earth. Our interaction with the Earth and responsibility to do right by Her is a duty we do not often think of as a moral or religious responsibility. We see no commandment that says, “Do not litter,” or “renew, reuse, recycle” or “cut back on your carbon usage” or “reduce monoculture crops” or “eat meat sparingly” (oh, wait, I think that one may be out there already…). To me, pollution and the excessive overuse and disrespect for the Earth’s resources is just as sinful and hurtful to God and Mother Earth as it is when we lie, cheat or steal. Perhaps not a sin of commission—most of us are not actively destroying our Mother Earth, but a sin of omission by not doing anything to keep our beautiful earthly home clean, respected, healthy and beautiful. What kind of relationship do you have with the soil, the trees or the air you breathe? May I invite you cultivate this relationship righteously? Start a garden, recycle, drive less, walk more, buy less, learn where your food comes from and recognize what it is, get involved with your community and get educated.

Third is our relationship with the people around us. We have only to refer to the Sermon on the Mount to get the idea Christ wants us to have. In Matthew 5:38-44 it reads:

38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. 41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. 42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. 43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Here we read of a drastic change in the social understanding of the Law as Christ infuses mercy, love, respect, and a pacifist outlook into what before was a black and white understanding of right and wrong. Turn then to Mosiah 4:26:

...for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God —I would that ye should impart of you substance to the poor, every man according to that which hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.

I love this scripture because it charges us to be charitable with our less fortunate brethren. It charges us to put away pride and in humility give what has been blessed to us. The seriousness of this verse is qualified by the first phrase, “for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day.” And lastly to John 13:34-35:

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Such a simple phrase, “love one another” and yet, I think it is the most neglected. Sure we love our family and our friends, and our hearts go out to people in need all over the world, but is that enough? It is very clear to me what our relationship with our fellowmen should be like if we want to deem it righteous and the word is love. I was excited when the 3-fold mission of the church became a 4-fold mission. If any of you are not unfamiliar with this addition, they are now: proclaim the gospel, redeem the dead, perfect the saints and now, care for the poor and the needy. While I appreciate our churches efforts to extend its helping hands to people in need around the world, I worry that many, including myself, let this be the excuse that keeps us from being “anxiously engaged in a good cause” ourselves, in our own communities (D&C 58:27-28). In the Doctrine and Covenants 58:27-28, we learn that we not only need to be involved, but that it is up to us individually to use our agency to choose to become involved in righteousness. When we chose to live our lives righteously we can as Ghandi said, “Be the change [that we] want to see in the world.”

My favorite Beatitude is found in Matthew 5:6, “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.” I love this scripture because it shows us what happens as we lfill ourselves and strive to be righteous: that we will be filled. Think back of our definition of perfect—to be complete, finished and fully developed. I believe that as we care for the relationships we have with God, the Earth and its humanity, and try to do right by them, we shall become filled. We shall be filled with happiness, the Spirit and love. I am in no way close to this type of nirvana, and so I feel somewhat like the pot calling the kettle black here, but these are some of the things I have discovered about what it means to be righteous. I hope that my words have touched some of your hearts. I testify that we will not come to know righteousness by ourselves, but it is only through the Atonement and love that we are able to make righteousness the working principal in our personal lives. In Romans 10:3-4 it says,

3 For they being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God. 4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.

I emphasize again that we cannot do this by ourselves, and for this I am grateful for my Savior, who, by example, taught us how to live by righteousness and who comes in the meridians of my life to help bring balance and peace to me as I strive to attain righteousness. I testify that, as children of our Heavenly Parents, we will come to know them and become more like them, as we hunger and thirst after righteousness in the relationships we cultivate. I know God loves us. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

hoje retornei pra meu juventude.

2011-02-21T21:47:00.005-07:00

Today I went through what was left of my childhood and subsequent teen and young adult life. Mementos. I love mementos and I keep everything. I have every handout from every class or activity that I have ever been too. I have movie ticket stubs, plane ticket stubs, museum ticket stubs. I have pictures. I learned that I have journal entries dating back to 1993--I was seven--to the present day and they fill an entire box (I'm afraid/determined to look at them in the next couple of days). I have dolls--even the ones that I so cruelly mistreated and gave horrible haircuts and dye jobs to; I have my mother's dolls from the 60's, with outfits my grandmother made for them. I have ponies and bears and puppies and, yes, I have Beany Babies. I have every note I have have ever taken in every class I have ever attended. I have every card ever written to me. I have every school paper I have ever written. I have vocab words. I have pennies from the 50's. I have pesos from the 50's. I have heirloom jewelry. I have baby clothes. I have a lot of things.

I threw most of it away. No, really. MOST of it. I filled a huge black, drawstring garbage bag full of stuff and put it out to the trash.

I don't need to keep notes from school.

I don't need to keep the birthday cards signed by distant relatives for my 9th birthday.

I don't need ticket stubs. I don't.

According to my eight year old self, I wanted to live on the beach next to a jungle with lots of animals in it. I wanted to swim with dolphins daily.

I used to write poems--POEMS--about love, flowers, the wind and trees when I was eleven.

I read, voraciously, weird books like the Bronte sisters books, classics like Anne of Green Gables and Nancy Drew. I kept lists of all the books I have ever read.

I was a driven, self-confident, attention-seeking, creative little human.

I found out that I liked to set goals for myself a lot, especially long-term ones. I probably found 3 or 4 lists that were supposed to be what/where I wanted to be in the future, including a time capsule one I wrote in September, 2000. I opened it today, five months late. Just an FYI on that: I have studied abroad, I have been to Italy, I have served a mission, I have learned another language, I have graduated college. I have not gotten married and I do not have three kids.

(REALLY??? THREE??? When did my past self think I would find the time to do all that and still somehow have three babies by age 24???)

a mulher...

2011-01-20T15:06:00.004-07:00

Woman’s Rights

Gentlemen and Ladies: --Having been called upon to write upon the subject of woman’s rights, I have prepared a few words in response to the invitation and as a true expression of my individual feelings. Woman’s rights seems to me to be of so much importance that every woman should be interested in it, and should most earnestly endeavor to contend for it in a proper way and manner. There are only a few women who have their rights and who is it that deprives them of these? It is our brother man. I often think that man has uncalled for and unrighteous authority over those of the “weaker sex” as he is pleased to term woman., but everything that goes wrong is in many, yes, in most cases put upon woman’s shoulders, for her to carry as best she can.

I believe in honoring man in his own place but at the same time I do believe his wife should have equal rights with him. I am pleased to see the ladies striving to shake off the chains that have so long enslaved us and I shall rejoice to see the day when freedom’s banner for woman shall wave not only over this our fair land, but over all the world. When that day comes many evils will be trampled beneath our feet that today are tolerated by man.

I am in every sense of the word an advocate and a defender of woman’s rights, and I trust the day will shortly come when woman’s cause will triumph and she will stand free and untrammelled by any of the restraints now imposed upon her sex.

Sarah B. Layton

Kaysville, Utah.

The Woman's Exponent 1891-09-01 vol. 20 no. 5

Thank you Sarah, but we're still working for this equality you're talking about.

vou me mudar pra um ano novo e uma casa velha

2010-12-31T15:42:00.004-07:00

The end is abruptly coming with the beginning starting just as abruptly.

Heading East is supposed to be a happy thing, but I'm sad. I'm sad because I will be away from those I have grown to love so, so much. Annnnd I will be facing a future, which I don't really want to deal with right now. The comforting thing is that I will still be an un-adult. I still have tons of school left. And as long as I'm in school, I'm not an adult, right? I remember with Erin graduated from college. Me and Alicia were like, "Whoa! Adult!" Now we are both graduated, and it doesn't feel any different from 3 years ago.

I keep having dreams of the future. Most of the time they make me nervous and anxious. (Partly because sometimes my dreams literally come true.)

One more petty frustration: I am afraid of heights--deathly afraid. Expletives flow freely when I find myself at 60+ feet, and it makes me mad. So mad. I get mad because I love to climb rocks, and sometimes loving to climb rocks means that you climb high. But if I am afraid of heights, I can not climb high. It wouldn't be such a problem (yes it would be) if everyone one around me wasn't afraid of heights. I am the singled one out. When I get high enough, my legs get shaky, my forearms stop contracting and my fingers no longer grip. This leads to falling, and falling really isn't so bad. I was scared of it before, but whateves, I've done it a couple of times now and I don't care about that anymore. It's this height thing that bothers me. Mostly because I don't know what to do to overcome it. It is like this ginormous barrier that keeps me from getting any better.

See you later 2010. I hope that 2011 brings good things. Really good and GREAT things. Noteworthy things.

I think I should have a goal of visiting 4 different countries during 2011 (preferably ones that I have never been to before, but repeats are allowed). Goal made.

A second goal is that I need to do something very awesome. I know this is ambiguous, but I know the feeling I'm going for in my head, and I'm aiming to get the feeling at some point this year.

A third goal is to take charge more. I love to leave responsibilities to other people. I love to be a follower. This isn't because I can't handle responsibility, but because I just don't like to deal with it, and sometimes I feel perfectly inadequate to lead anything. Such a stupid cop-out.

A fourth goal is to write more. I realize that I am not a great writer, but I also don't suck, and sometimes I'm really funny when I write, and most of the time, I really love to write. I think I will start with a short life history, since I will be living at home and will have access to details from my past with all my former journals/diaries so close at hand.

A fifth goal is to run another marathon. That means I need to chose which one to run and buy new running shoes.

A sixth goal is to get over this heights issue. That may involve me doing some dangerous things from very high up. I'm thinking paragliding or sky-diving or bungee-jumping? Or just rock climbing a whole bunch more. Something that would include jumping... This just needs to be gotten over.

GO 2011! BREAK!

nao tenho nada de paciencia.

2010-11-20T01:13:00.004-07:00

I am currently trying to be patient and wait the three minutes my computer says it will take for kanye to finish dling, but I'm desperately impatient. WHY KANYE?! Why are you taking so long? It is 1am in the morning. I don't deserve this!

I feel like I'm 14 again, downloading as much off of napster as possible.

(Thought: I was 14 ten years ago. TEN YEARS AGO.)

olha, essa guria!

2010-11-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

The story of Jonah from Corinth Baptist Church on Vimeo.

This girl is going to be a wonderful entertainer some day.

a vitoria e' minha

2010-10-15T19:14:00.002-07:00

I made it.

Victory.

tu sabes quando tu queres algo quando...

2010-10-12T09:02:00.004-07:00

The past weekend I was in Ca., which perhaps could have been a mistake (scholastically speaking of course), because my return reigns in 3 midterms and a quiz in 4 days, and who studies when they're on vacation--let's be honest here. It's Tuesday, and I'm putting money on me surviving the week. But my escape will be close. I may not make it out unscathed.

I can't wait for January 15th. On this day I will have NO immediate worries. NONE. No school to study for. No schools to apply to. No rent to pay. Of course, I will be jobless. And therefore, money-less. But who cares, I'll be a college graduate.

Eu creio...

2010-09-21T18:18:00.003-07:00

i believe in being a good moral person.

i believe in mistakes.

i believe a woman is special, but not more than a man is.

i believe in my body.

i believe in telling someone their fly is undone or that they have spinach in their teeth.

i believe i am a sexual being, and i like it.

i believe that trees ARE the answer.

via

i believe in riding, running, climbing, dancing, etc...

i believe beards are beautiful.

via

i believe in eating tasty foods.

i believe in questions.

i believe in God.

i believe in Earth.

i believe in giving.

i believe in brothers and sisters.

i believe in root systems.

i believe in not doing your homework when you can do something worthwhile like read a good book that will probably stick with you longer than you homework will.

i believe in believing and faith.

i believe in breathing VERY DEEP breaths.

i believe in swimming naked.

i believe in being naked.

i believe in listening and giving chances and going back for seconds.

i believe in costco.

i believe in science.

i believe in birth.

illustration by Barry Falls

i believe in connections, synapses and electricity.

i believe in giving my heart a chance to pump fast and slow, delivering needed resources to my body organs and systems.

i believe that i will never understand the purpose of flys, ticks or mosquitoes.

i believe in harnessing power and releasing it.

i believe in quantum physics.

i believe in being alone.

i believe in love.

i believe in protein.

i believe in the right shoes for the right activity.

i believe in not wearing shoes.

i believe in personal manifestos.

i believe in taking copious notes.

i believe in balance and shifting your weight to keep it.

i believe in childhood friends.

i believe in photographs and eyes.

i believe in mountains.

i believe in my parents.

i believe in gardens.

i believe in writing to the end of a page.

i believe in even the distribution of space.

i believe in stars.

i believe in taking precautions and wearing a helmet and stretching.

i believe in sweating.

i believe humans are inherently good.

i believe in nature and nurture.

i believe in myself.

i believe in water.

i believe in clean laundry.

i believe in warm feet.

i believe in waking up with the sun and going to bed with it too.

leve/pesado

2010-08-27T22:16:00.005-07:00

I need friends.

Explanation: I have friends. They are humans. They are boys and girls. I have some VERY good friends. I am so happy I have them. They are so good to me. I don't know what I would do with out them. And so I come to realization that I need them. I need friends.

I was thinking earlier about the connection we make with the people we come into contact with and the type of relationship we form that makes us consider closeness with those people. Sitting at my desk at work I look over at my colleagues, who I see EVERY day, and I know that I will never consider a close relationship with any of them. But a 5 minute conversation with another person and it's sealed the deal in regards to our desires for closeness with one another. I have friends who I camp with. Friends who I climb with. Friends who I listen to music with. Friends who I garden with. Friends who I hug. Friends who I just LOVE LOVE LOVE. Friends who I read with. Friends who I go to concerts with. Friends who I laugh with. Then sometimes, SOMETIMES you get lucky. Sometimes you run into people who you can do ALL those things with. Keep those. They are exceptional.

Like this friend:
I like her. A lot.

a distancia fez uma encerrada

2010-08-23T09:11:00.006-07:00

"Living for Sabina meant seeing. Seeing is limited by two borders: strong light, which blinds, and total darkness. Perhaps that was what motivated Sabina's distaste for all extremism. Extremes mean borders beyond which life ends, and a passion for extremism, in art and in politics, is a veiled longing for death."
-Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

I don't want to die. I want to be able to see.

I love mountaintops.

o que significa ser "bonita"? nada.

2010-08-02T08:41:00.007-07:00

I am one year older. One more year to add to my amounting years of wisdom and foolishness. I was perusing on the world of google reader and found a wonderful youtube vid posted on a friends blog. I loved it, so I am reposting it.

What is the meaning of pretty anyway? The word doesn't own any depth.

a familia que tenho...

2010-06-30T20:59:00.004-07:00

Nieces and nephews are probably the best inventions created. They are cute. They love you. They are silly. They make car noises when they play with you. They get excited to make flower crowns and learn how to leg wrestle. I am in love with my nieces and nephews. This weekend I was able to travel up to visit my brother and his beautiful family.

Conner was fascinated with the lines in the leaves--he would hold them up to the sunlight and point them out for me.

Adventurous Sebrina and Tricia.

Cadin and his great hair.

Conner sitting on the porch waiting for the sun to set.

Chris, Tricia, Me, Conner, Cadin, Sebrina and Abree in front of the Idaho Falls on the Snake River.

Family is so fulfilling.

as cabelas nao aguenta mais esse ritima

2010-06-29T09:11:00.003-07:00

I've been trying a new thing: not washing my hair. Inspired by my dear friend Sara, as well as my age-long desire to dread my hair, I decided to experiment. After almost 2 weeks of not washing the locks, I decided I do not fancy the non-washing regime. Perhaps a week of non-washing is tolerable. My issue is not the way my hair looks but how it feels. My hair itself looks great. It gets very curly, and I've gotten several complements. But my hair is far from touchable. As Emma says, "Please just touch the lower portions." But seriously, just touch the lower portions because the closer you get to my scalp, the thicker and heavier and oilier my hair gets. Don't be grossed out. My hair is NOT dirty. I rinse it on a regular basis, but the natural oils have built up a bit. It basically feels as if I have a lot of product in my hair. On the upside, my hair requires absolutely NO maintenance.

Alicia and I were discussing last night our long hair. Conclusion: we love it. Two and a half years ago Alicia and I, along with our friend Erin, made a pact to not cut our hair (we were all sporting short hair at the time) until I got back from my mission. I've been back from my mission for a year, and none of us have seriously gone to the scissors. Probably the best pact we could have ever made.

escrever para esclarecer.

2010-06-23T22:03:00.002-07:00

I've been doing this thing the past couple of weeks. Just writing exercises. In the morning I sit and write until I can't write any more or until I have at least 3 pages. I believe the recent surge of blog-making urges can be attributed to this.

Sometimes the days are COMPLETELY overwhelming for no reason. Today I worked for three hours. That's it. But I arrived home utterly exhausted, believe this was a result of thinking too much. I spoke with my mother. She was making strawberry jam, and I became suddenly homesick. This doesn't happen very often, but when it does it is strong and it's then that I must leave the land of college and being alone and enter the family world. Since it was too early in the day to head to my sister's, I did the next best thing: I headed to Alpine. Alpine is the home of my second family. A place where I can pretend I'm 18 years old again and living in CT. Spending all day under the sun, surrounded by the glorious mountains, in a saline pool, with little ones and a brand new puppy has its healing factors.

Ten things I would like to do before I die:

1. Make a beautiful quilt

2. Be a midwife

3. Write my memoirs

4. Maintain a flourishing garden

5. Build a bed

6. Teach a child how to ride a bike

7. Teach a women to love herself

8. Say "I love you" and kiss a tree in all 50 states

9. Hike the Appalachian trail

10. Climb a mountain a year

sou uma boa pessoa

2010-06-23T08:41:00.004-07:00

Have you ever wanted to change something in your life? Bad habits mainly? Something that you do almost on accident because you don't realize that it's even happening?

I do.

A lot.

faz um ano

2010-06-22T08:33:00.003-07:00

Chegei da missao faz um ano. Que coisa mais incrivel.

I realize I am not a competent blogger, and after a couple of attempts it has become apparent that blogging is not my calling.

And yet, I blog.

Perhaps its an internal fear of not writing something clever enough for people to enjoy. Maybe that same fear that keeps me quiet and listening in a crowd rather than life of the party is the one that keeps my creative juices flowing. Perhaps I just need to think more.

A question was presented the other night: what is it about yourself that you are currently changing your mind about it? I was supposed to answer it, and at first I knew what it was, but now I'm not so sure. I tend to talk about change a lot. I like the idea of change of moving on. I thought I was turning into someone who was capable of change. I sincerely thought that this was it! But when I am put face to face with changes I should be making, I push change away. I rationalize and I want to continue on the path I've been following for some time.

So bottom line: I am a hypocrite and you probably shouldn't listen to what I say. Although I may say some encouraging things or give inspiring and clever and smart advice, I don't listen to half the things that come out of my mouth.

But I don't think I'm alone in this, and that is the comforting to me. I know there are other people in this world and in my little sphere of existence that have these tendencies, and perhaps we are getting better. I know I'm trying.

A lista vai para sempre

2010-04-14T23:17:00.006-07:00

I have always been accustomed to making lists. I think it comes from my mother. I love the pleasure that comes from crossing off something you have previously written down. Grocery lists, packing lists, book lists, to-do lists, pro/con lists--the list (hehe) could go on! My favorite list to make has always been in my planner. I love to write down my plans for the day and then recap and cross the things off that I accomplish. It gives a productive feeling.

But a little less than a year ago, I got the notorious iPhone. It has a calender inside, on which you can put in events and things to do. You can even set an alarm to go off to remind you to do those things--you basic PDA functions. I thought, now that I have this wonderful feature, I can put the old planner away. Technology won over paper. Or so I thought.

After 10 months of trying to adapt to the PDA-style of keeping a planner and making lists, I found that I can't connect with technology in that way! The joy of seeing the daily list shrink as you bring the pen down and run your strike through the individual words was gone. It's like something inside of me was rebelling, saying, "You are better than a computer! Are you letting IT control your life?" This inner rebellion kept me from keeping appointments and making to-do lists and lessened my productivity. (OK, so I can't blame it ALL on the iPhone, but I can put a little blame on the thing.)

I reached the pivot-point last night. I was tired of not crossing things off! Not paying attention to the things I needed to do during the day because of a inner rebellion against technology. No, I did not resolve to give in to this rebellion, it is still alive and well inside of me. But I did pull out my planner. My beloved BYU, recycled paper, academic planner! This morning I sat on my bed and joyously wrote down what I needed to do this week in my planner. That old feeling of productivity rolled back into my heart. The confidence to accomplish crept in. Empowered.

The iPhone is still in use: email checking, banking, facebook stalking, game playing, information getting, texting, phone calling, etc... But never again will I substitute my planner for electric calendars. Not even for the notorious iPhone.

I have already crossed off numerous things from today--I am tempted to write down "go to bed" just so I can cross it off and feel that feeling.

What a great day it was.

a palavra é chega

2010-03-22T09:03:00.004-07:00

The emotion extinguisher (ē-mō-shun x-ting-gwish-ur):

1. Eradicating any emotion associated with bad and/or sinful acts.

2. The act of running away from awkward, intimate and/or embarrassing moments.

3. Comparable to a human version of the fire extinguisher.

Thank you Wills.

I just finished my rough draft for my causal analysis of Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension. I am pumped. My mother is going to talk to Dr. Irwin, her associate, who after almost 20 years, has finally been able to do his long-awaited clinical trial of thiamine, and who also inspired me to write this paper. Thiamine, Dr. Irwin says, is the answer to curing PIH, which currently has no known cause or effective treatment and affects 5-10% of all pregnancy's worldwide. According to Dr. Irwin, PIH is caused by a Thiamine (thiamin: vitamin B1, responsible for facilitating carbohydrate metabolism in the cell in order to provide energy for proper function) deficiency and can be treated effectively through thiamine supplementation. If you want to know more about it, let me know, I've become an expert.

eu nao estou esquecendo quem sou eu

2010-03-07T23:04:00.003-07:00

Sitting here in Provo, I realize how daunting life is becoming. My constant thought is, "What am I getting myself into?" How am I supposed to live up with the expectations that I am setting myself up for? It is so easy to take the simple route out. It is expected to shy away from challenges and go the known, proven course. But that makes me sick. How can I know what I know or feel what I feel and not go out out and change the world with that knowledge? Or at least my own life. I hate how silent I find myself. It is like standing on the edge of a large cliff. Below is the rushing water. You can taste it in your mouth and long to be drawn away in its fast current, but the jump that will carry you from where you are above to the water below is long, and the impact scares you. You look down and see how easy it is--just one simple step, but you also realize that once you jump, there is no turning back. You will get wet and you will be carried away. Sure, you may get out further downstream, but you will still be wet and you will never be able to erase your jump. Advise to self, "Speak up and jump, you like being wet anyway."

Church (I'm Mormon) today was interesting. In Relief Society, there was a thought-provoking (blood-boiling) non-doctrinal and opinion-based lesson taught on women and how we are innately Christ-like because of our physiological/physical ability to have children, concluding that we are special (better than men) and we should be proud of that. (WHAT?!) Perpetuating inequality by putting women on a pedestal or saying we are better than men or saying that if you don't have children then you aren't Christ-like is wrong and anything but doctrinally based. Last time I checked, men and women were created to work together, equally yoked, in their differences to achieve a common goal. I am woman. You are man. But I will no sooner say that I am better than a man than say I don't need God. It was good to hear the teachers words, if only confirm to myself my feelings on the subject.

I have been pretty dedicated to climbing at the gym these past couple of months. I am prepping for the summer; the prospect of being able to spend a whole day on the rock, outside, without being exhausted or sore (like always) excites me.

Sandra Bullock just won an Oscar. Seriously?

alguns pensamentos...

2010-02-27T01:16:00.008-07:00

Eu estava pensando um pouco a respeito do mundo, da minha vida, de como estou passando dia apos dia, das pessoas na meu redor. Acho que e estranho que a gente gosta tanto de complicar as coisas que na sao complicadas--falando de fulando e sucrando--por alguns, uma solucao simples nao e uma solucao certo por que nao podem deixar o que ja sabem. Eles nao consiguem abrir suas cabecas e aceitam ideias diferentes. Eles nao aceitam por que e diferente e so isso. E isso nao pode ser assim. E ridiculo as vezes a maneira em que nos agimos. A gente nao quer mudar; nao quer pensar diferente.

Eu tava falando com alguns amigos e chegei a realidade que eu sou abencoado. Tenho pessoas--amigos--que pensam fora da caixa, que querem um mundo melhor. Espero que possamos ver isso um dia, que realizamos um mundo melhor--juntos. Um individuo por cada vez.

Ta bom. Sei que to indo numa circulo com esses comentarios, mas tinha que botar em algum lugar.

Meu portugues esta horrivel.

In other news. Last week, I went to to mountains with Jason. We took up some snowshoes and ventured out up Provo Canyon. It has been too long since I have been outside experiencing nature the way I love to experience it. Slowly, and taking it all in one step at a time.

relembrando o passado e olhando para o futuro

2010-02-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

I miss summer. I know I'm not supposed to be the one to say that. I know I love winter and snow and cold and all that that entails. But seriously, I miss summer. And those tan lines.

I have been home for 7 months from Brasil. I think about my time spent home and wonder if I've done anything good in comparison to the 18 months I spent in Canela, Montenegro and Farroupilha. I hope that my progress hasn't been deterred by my time home, at school, with friends, etc.. I hope my desire to ever be a change in peoples lives hasn't been thwarted by my selfishness.

This is picture is of Rosie's family. Hours upon hours spent with this women. Teaching, loving, praying, playing, cooking, eating... Oh how I miss Rosie.

A lot of nostalgia has been floating around lately. Digging through past pictures and music and journals. It's been interesting to relive the feelings and experiences I had and to remember the people who I've met and loved.

When Rae and I lived together, we only had one chair and one desk. We utilized that. I miss our bald heads and padawan braids.

feliz ano novo e que seja tudo que tu esperes...

2010-01-06T01:05:00.005-07:00

A new year calls for resolutions.

They are not going up here.

BUT what I will put up here is some thoughts I have been having with the beginning of this new year.

I love and cherish this second time 'round photo.

II.

Often when I find myself in the situation of celebrating the passage of time, may it be birthdays or Christmas--New Years is no different--I find myself reflecting upon the old cliche of how fast the time flies. This time last year I was on another side of the world with completely different focuses. I think that time passing is such a weird concept and think I would rather have a world in which time did not exist. Maybe people would be healthier. Maybe people would spend time with each other. Maybe there would be less heartbreak. Maybe. Oh what an uneven and lost little word.

III.

In the last year I have had a lot of changes in my life. A LOT. Most for the better, some for the worse.

The thing that always strikes me as so wonderfully convenient and not so fully taken advantage of is the opportunity that we each have to change. Reinvention. Adaptation. Tweeking. Forgiving.

Change is the moving force. Change in ourselves is the most vital. When we are able to change ourselves it becomes easier to become the change in the world. Many people have that backwards. They think that being the change in the world will enact some change in themselves. Or maybe just be the cover up for insecurities they have. Whatever the case, it remains that each moment is a moment to become. To evolve. To reflect. Failure to do so will inflict very plain and simple and perhaps painful realities that life was too short and was not taken advantage of.

IV.

Due to a recent conversation I will turn my attention to a subject that I think deserves attention. It should be the underlining subject of all learning and all loving. That is humility. I most surely do not paint myself as a particularly humble person. (I have been accused of being quite the opposite). I find it hard sometimes to see myself in people and therefore treat them as they should be treated. Humility would save the world if people would let it. If we could and would all be humble idealists, I think I would be a different person.

I cannot be anyone without you. That to me is an eternal truth.

Discovery should be made with care and with purpose.

"Education is not the filling of a pail. It is the lighting of a fire." -Yeats

fiz uma volta

2009-11-21T19:28:00.002-07:00

Listening to: Reigning Sound

Things like to fall in place every once in a while. I like it when things come back to you in full circle. Back to square one, except not really. I like to think of it as an elevated, promoted square one.

I bought a turkey today. Yes. A turkey. My first. Tomorrow, we (the house, my lovelies) will be cooking a pre-family-pre-departure-pre-thanksgiving feast. My family away from family.

Wash your hands. Things just work better that way.

sobreviver.

2009-11-17T23:18:00.004-07:00

Oh, HEY snowy mountains!

Ghostly.

Minha casa tem aranhas

2009-11-12T00:13:00.003-07:00

No matter how many times I upload this picture it stays upside down. Oh well. You get the idea of how awesome my purchases were.

I've remembered how much I love the GZA/RZA/Ghostface Killah as well as a couple of other gems, such as the ones pictured above. I love the diversity. My roommate Christine walked into my room today and stated that she has no clue what will come out of my speakers next. I don't think I would think much of sweet tunes if you couldn't mix it up a little (lot) bit. I love Frank Sinatra, Bach, Kelly Clarkson, Aesop Rock, The Beatles, The Misfits, Ghost Mice, Mirah or The Reatards as much as the next person. But seriously guyz...

Rediscovery. I think that's been the theme of this week. Isn't it wonderful? It's almost as sweet as the first time. Or even better! It's like a newer, stronger and more head strong person has emerged from where I came from. It's pretty powerful.

On another note, ya'll should check out whats going down with the WRI. Tomorrow should be a fun day.

fala sim fala nao.

2009-11-08T19:34:00.007-07:00

Winter is upon us, and with it brings new challenges. It seems to me that someone out there is trying to teach me patience. Like Kristy said yesterday...PATIENCE! I love my trips to the temple with Kristy. We have started a wonderful tradition/habit.

Things are winding down with school (or just starting, I just can't quite tell which). This is only a gentle but stark reminder of the repeated cliche of how fast time really does fly.

Things at work are normal. Things at school are normal. Things at home are normal. I never seem to have time to do anything. To finish anything. I find it difficult to stop looking and depending on the future to take away the angst of right now. I guess it's becoming apparent how hard it is to live in RIGHT NOW. But depending on the future is just so subjective. You can't depend on tomorrow. You can't know anything about 5 minutes from now.

I am reading a book. It is called "The cry and the covenant". My mom gave it to me. I love my mom. She is a literary genius. She reads and reads and reads and reads. She loves to read, and I am so happy that perhaps she has passed this love down to me. She read this book when she was younger. It tells the story of a young hungarian doctor living and practicing at the renowned hospital at Vienna in the late 1800's before the era of the germ theory. It makes me cringe to read of the doctors going from autopsy room to the delivery room, wiping the blood and the pus on their jackets as a sign of their wisdom and tenure. It is a fascinating book.

I think I'm feeling pretty wonderful. I mean--life isn't perfect, and truth be told, I have to fight to keep a positive outlook on life (pessimism is SOOO easy), but I feel balanced. I feel well. I sometimes wonder when the rain will come. That does keep me on my feet. The rain. I am really just trying to keep up with my philosophy that moderation is everything. If I am so full of this, I cannot enjoy that.

I am tempted to upload a recording of a t-pain-esq song that I made up on 'i am t-pain', an app I downloaded a bit ago, but of late I have been practicing my self-control, so I'm not going to do that. But if you really do want to hear it, I'm taking requests.

diz-me que chegei no momento certo

2009-10-14T20:53:00.012-07:00

Right now I am hearing a "Meet your Baker" (aka Scifi's uncle) segment on Fxx Nxxx via youtube via facebook--Scifi and Alicia are peeing their pants as they watch and I sit here; Dani is on the sewing machine making her sister a baby sling--a bling; and thinking about our noise generation. There are so many things going on. It never occurred to me that this could be a good thing. But as my priorities are being sorted and set, I am realizing that life and it's noises and things are very much manageable.

Here is an photo update of the noises and things in my life:

! Cindy. You take away our porch sitting rights. I hope you are happy.

@ This is my reaction to missing the greatest photo opportunity that has been set before me in my whole entire life.

# These shoes were made for waiting in line to hear the prophets voice.

$ 21,000 people gathered on a Saturday to be counseled and filled.

% I live with these girls. Everyday. My life doesn't get much better.

^ Oh, I love you too!

& Bringing back Brasil. CTM sisters 4 lyfe.

* a record of my favorite outfit of 2009 thus far. This photo does not do justice to my shoes, which are the best part. I don't care what people say. I LOVE my clogs.

( Two things should be mentioned about this photo: one, the cake looks like poop, and two, yes, someones baby lost their pacifier because they were probably staring at the cake-poop.

) When you decide to do heavy duty cleaning with heavy duty chemicals, you SHOULD wear rubber gloves. I did not have any while cleaning the other day, and despite the use of plastic bags, the clorox and oven cleaner were too much for my poor hands. Chemical burns are no fun and they represent my stupidity. These are the rubber gloves that I acquired by way of present from Lindsey. She covertly left them at my work all wrapped up. You can be assured that I WILL use them next time I do heavy duty cleaning.

! This is the beautiful blue sky and the beautiful wispy clouds and the majestic mountains and the two buildings that own my life.

These are my latest impressions: that I am truly trying to focus every day. It's hard to do. I speak Portuguese everyday and that makes me so happy. I LOVE finding things that amaze me. I want people to see what I see in through my eyes. My perception of life is completely different than yours. We see what we perceive. And if we don't have the receptors for what's before us we will never perceive it. I enjoy epic music and jamming. Priorities and organization.

Till next time.

A gente não concorda.

2009-09-28T17:23:00.003-07:00

I stepped into the horrid testing testing center today. First time in 2 years. Wow. What a feeling of anxiety. It very much brings me into a tizzy--knowing that I have to return yet two more times this week. I guess things like this are inevitable when you are me. I wish I was like Alicia and had only stepped into the testing twice in my life. I think things would would be so wonderful if that were a reality. I also think it would be wonderful if one of those stupid notes people leave at the bottom of the testing center stairs were for me. (I will be at the TC on Wednesday and again on Friday...Just in case anyone wanted to know.)

My sister and I comparing whose scarf hair looks better. I win.

On a side note: I am not fond of my computer.

Other side note: I will be contributing to this blog, so YOU should check it out.

o! as possibilidades.

2009-09-06T00:58:00.005-07:00

I bought a new coat.

I used to be so witty. I don't know what has happend. I think too many science classes.

Too many people tonight. Post-mission anxiety followed. Didn't go to Mona. Did go have some pretty awesome conversations with some pretty great people. Well, yea. Anyway. Did you know that hotels are NOT required to look under a bed when cleaning? Beware of what you might find there.

Last night and this morning I think I played hide-n-go-seek around the amount of 20+ times. I loved every minute of it. I love being a little kid again. LOVE IT. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

I made 2 lb.s of fresh salsa tonight. No joke. We downed most of it, along with a 3 lb. bag of Santitos chips and a 1/2 bag of Costco chips. In a span of 6 hours.

Don't you hate it when you want to like someone, and you do, but it's not who you should like and you don't like liking and it doesn't matter anyway because that person doesn't even like you? Jibberish. Hypethetically speaking, that would really suck. It would suck even more in real life.

I miss the suffocating amount of trees there are in CT.

Tenho saudades de falar em portugues. Tambem, fique frustrada porque o taclaro de meu computador nao tem os acentos da lingua portuguesa.

Quero ser um livro.

nao quero que aquela coisa se muda...

2009-09-02T18:26:00.005-07:00

Bombshell was dropped today and not handled well. Apparently, if I would like to graduate in the major I want, I will have to go to school at least 3 1/2 more years. Forget that. Goodbye goal of leaving BYU with a nursing degree. It's not too bad. I just had to modify a few things. I am now an Exercise Science major (I love that my major has the word science in it). It will take me a year to graduate and then on to some other school that has an accelerated nursing program. I really wish that advisor lady wasn't such an insensitive ass and that BYU wasn't so damn competitive. Way to dash dreams. COME ON.

(OK, so not a dream dasher--just a dream delayer. But it is such a discouraging setback.)

How many people fit in my car?

que possa desfrutar as belezas da terra...

2009-08-24T16:30:00.010-07:00

Adventures in the south.

Fire on the mountain.

Siblings.

Descending.

Christine/Chris and water.

This weekend was very wonderful.

I think that it's the way we do things that makes me want to keep doing it.

de onde nós somos

2009-08-15T20:16:00.006-07:00

I was getting ready to leave the house to go to SLC the other day and I remembered something an old friend would do ever time she would walk out the door and get into her car. I went to look at physical music that I own and I picked 3 CDs to listen to in the car on my drive. \\

1. Come on Miracle - Mirah
2. Rubber Soul - The Beatles
3. Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie

It hit me on the return drive that few musical artists have really changed my life. I want to be amazed and taken aback. I want to move and need more. I need it.
It hit me how much I things (I guess people too) to change my life. Whether it be a song, a book, a picture, a friend, an acquaintance...
I am doing a outright horrible job trying to explain this. But. It doesn't really matter. The point is, I love "Exactly Where We're From" by Mirah. \\

o sol nasceu. estou aqui e estou amando cada momento.

2009-08-11T17:27:00.003-07:00

After a year an a half hiatus, I would like to officially restart this blog.

Updates are in line.
1. My year and a half as a missionary in the Porto Alegre, Brasil area was a success. It was what I needed at that time in my life-just a little time to NOT think of myself. Life as a missionary is fast paced, intense and so full of sadness/happiness. I am happy to be back.
2. I have returned home (to Utah). I live with people that are just beautiful.
3. I am scared scared scared to start school. Again. It looks like I've been putting off being an undergraduate for too long. Time to 'buckle down'.

Thats all.

a tempting look at the future.

2007-11-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

48 days left. Just sayin...

Everything that needed to be done in UT was accomplished. It's a little bit sad to think of that small valley I call my Home and know that I won't be back in it's loving arms for another 2 years. Milly asked me if I was scared of coming back. Essentially, was I scared of the inevitable change that will take place between then and now? Am I? NO. Not in the slightest. I think I learned something valuable on my trip back to the wild west: things change. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm a stickler for change. In my heart of hearts I detest it, but I think I've learned to accept and adapt to what life decides to give me. Most importantly I've learned how to be happy despite the changes that occur in my own little world. Move on and keep your priorities straight, and don't forget to take a step back and breath, and LOVE EVERYONE.

Ugh. That just sounded WAY too grown up.

I realize I'm not a genius. I'm not even really smart. I'm just average, but I love to know thing, and I love knowing answers to questions.

p.s. i love you so much

2007-08-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

is there kayte in the audience? k-a-y-t-e? this is for you, happy birthday.

2007-08-08T10:13:00.001-07:00

"Well, the time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things..." Like how I have turned the monumental age of decision: 21. It is true. To ring in this new age, I had this young Swede pictured above sing sweet nothings into my ear. He even gave me a song as a gift-Amsterdam. Wasn't that wonderful of him? I was quite appreciative, that is for sure. He was so handsome, and I'm optimistically in love with the thought of his smile.

Then this girl who lives in San Fransisco:

Told these guys it was my birthday when they played there. Then they came to Provo on Monday and sang a beautiful song to me for my birthday as well.

Milking for all a birthday's worth you say? YES. Thank you Erin Leigh. Thank you Björn Yttling. Thank you; thank you for a magical birthday.

a brick of a phone that will be no good come september

2007-07-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

1. Mischief
Causing mischief and mayhem is something I enjoy. I try to stay away from that which might hurt or offend, but sometimes it's something I can not avoid. Current mischief is definitely entertaining and ongoing.
2. Late Nights
Average bedtime is 2:30. I need to change that, but I have decided that this is MY summer, so giving up a good time in exchange for some sleep is NOT an option for me. I have my whole life to catch up on sleep.
3. Birthdays

The day I am defined by is coming up soon. I can not wait. I also can not believe that I'll be the age I will be. What that means is I'll be old. OLD. It's a landmark age. 12, 14, 16, 18, 21. I have never liked landmark ages. Reasons for being is that I'm not a fan of even numbers. Odd ones always do it for me. Hopefully this one will.

4. Roommates
I do my dishes, and I don't leave my crap around the house. Enough said.
5. Bands
I never before have claimed membership in a band before now. This one rocks. Literally. Ask me about our shows; you can come, and you can rock too.
6. Missions
I've decided to put aside 1 1/2 years of my life and serve a mission for my church. I'm filling out my papers, and slowly but surely I'll have most of my medical responsibilities taken care of. I feel so right about this decision. It's a little bit scary. I'll be set back in my studies a little bit. I'll come back and have 1 friend. But who cares:

When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead and extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself. Jacques-Yves Cousteau

My sweet brother is on a mission right now in Campinas, Brazil. Travis just left on his mission to Budapest, Hungary. My Grandma is in Asuncion, Paraguay. I think I'm going to go crazy with anticipation waiting to find out where I will be called to serve.

2007-06-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

Whats up summer? Whats up Mission? Whats up no school? Whats up being really poor? Whats up band? Whats up bike rides? Whats up Alicia? Whats up Erin? Whats up Jendar? Whats up Provo? Whats up?
I am really getting into LIFE:
Living
In
Fun and
Engagement

I need to cut my hair. Badly.

compact discs of the utmost quality.

2007-06-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

The Titanic song is playing RIGHT now over the loudspeakers at work. Mary Cox admits she's seen this in the theater 5 times. I will admit no such thing.
Alicia Harris was in Ogden this weekend, making me VERY sad and alone all of a sudden; but she has returned relieving my sadness. Erin Leigh Chapman moved to San Francisco on Thursday, and I will go visit her in July because I miss her. My sister and I are EXTREMELY cool, and there's not even room for argument. I love that.
The search for the Provo River rope swing headed up by myself and Patrick Harding failed. The tree has been destroyed along with childhood dreams. Speaking of childish dreams, Saturday night I ventured back onto campus (a daring feat on a Saturday night for fear of being mistaken as one of THOSE people) to watch Howl's Moving Castle outside. It was magical, and International Cinema provided popsicles which always makes things better and more childish.

don't do it juliet.

2007-05-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

This is what we do in the summertime:
We eat watermelons and hot dogs--even in inclement weather.
We go on Sunday (and every other day of the week) bike rides .
We study hard in the library (3 more weeks left).
We have bonfires.
We have potlucks.
This doesn't even begin to cover the never ending quest to find the perfect churro; the latest obsession with tetris; frolicking in parks, etc...
I love the summer time.

neurologic disorders causing visual dysfunction

2007-05-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

I love summer so much. 1 hour + bike rides. Bonfires. Slack lining. Cooking flaming hot dinners. Etc. Etc. Etc. School and work sometimes must take the back seat to a midnight bike ride.
I turned in my Nursing Application yesterday. Now all I must to do is get through the dooms of Pathophysiology and Statistics for the next month and a half and hope I have a chance of getting into Nursing school. I should be mildly scared, but am not. Who knows if I'll get in. If not, that sucks. On to a couple of schools that will allow my acceptance. And onto better things.
Also, I think Erin and I have the same eyes kinda. I like her a lot.

2007-05-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

My day was so full. I love it. So much. In the past two weeks I have come to the realization that this summer is going to be one of the raddest summers that I've had in a really really really long time. And I feel really good about that.
Today marked the celebration of the 40th birthday of a woman who was present at my birth and various times in my life-Bridgette Blackwelder. She gave me a hug that said I love you. I love those kinds of hugs. I was outnumbered by Blackwelders/Rodgersons at the party, being the only Brown (a rare occurence). But I held my own. I also got hit on by one of the waiters. That was interesting. I think Erin Blackwelder saved my life one summer. Well, mostly it was her children, Brooke and Ellie. I think I am going to be a horrible mom. My kids are going to be the dirtiest on the block. I am going to advocate jumping in streams, chasing ducks, picking planted flowers, grass stains and possibly food fights. There will be outright pandemonium at my house. Oh well. I'm over it.
When I grow up...

all the shortys like 'who that'?

2007-04-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Went climbing with Tricia yesterday at Rock Canyon. It felt really good to be on rocks-it's been a while. Tricia trusted/taught me to lead belay her. SWEET. I am a proficient belayer. I swear I won't let you die.
Sometimes, I don't think we look alike at all. Regardless, we're pretty damn cute. (I'm giving the best face...) Will post the link between us soon. She doesn't get here till Tuesday (MOMMMMMMMMMMMM).
OH, Oh, oh! Jendar and I found a place to live! Party of 2007 please commence.

temporary operator license

2007-04-22T20:32:00.001-07:00

My sister spent the night with me last night. I LOVE HER .
(Even though our Cafe Rio salads got mixed up and I had to eat her pork and she ate my chicken...)
I met my potential living partner, Jendar, tonight.
Things are looking up I think.
(They weren't really down, but anyway.)
My last final is tomorrow morning. BioChemistry.
I have 15 dollars to my name.
I sold a book for 40 dollars today.
I may be poor, but I have food. I have a roof. I have a job. I'm not in debt.
Basically life is good, and I have nothing to complain about.
Kisses all around.

May 30th - June 6th CT here I come.

2007-04-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY. I WILL MAKE IT TO MONDAY.

I'm in the mood for a party.

tattooed youth.

2007-04-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

My iPod is dead. Dead. DEAD.
If you can't tell, the iPod on the screen is making a "sad face".
www.apple.com/support/ipod
Freakin' 4th generation, black and white, 20 gig, huge, piece of crap. I lov(ed) you.
You were good; you served your purpose; you lasted me two years; for that, I am forever greatful, but right now, I want to throw you in the trash.

i should be suspended from class

2007-04-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Anyone want to study for me for my BioChem test tomorrow?
I spent the morning cutting out amusing Daily Universe articles I've been collecting for the past two weeks, watching the history channel and listening to the wind outside--it's whistling. Oh, and doing head stands.

all creatures of our god and king. good friday rules.

2007-04-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

Today was a day you could put on that list of days that were just good.
Good thing #1
I've been super stressed about my ridiculous W-2 fiasco with FedExKinkos (damn the man, save the empire), because I still had not gotten my C W-2's back. Miraculously, they appeared in the mail today, the last day the VITA-lab at BYU were doing free taxes.
Good thing #2
A couple of weeks ago I thought I had lost a bead off my bracelet. I had gotten the bead down in Moab, and it was torquoise and beautiful. For all I knew it was floating around BYU campus somewhere. After I got my W-2's in the mail, I was gathering my things to head to the lab to get my taxes done when I looked down on my floor, and there the bead was!
Good thing #3
I avoided the 4 hour wait to get my taxes done because I had saved a small blue sheet of paper, that stated I had the privilege to be the next one in line to do my taxes.
Good thing #4
I'm getting enough back from the Federal Government that I'm not as stressed about $ as I was before. It means I get to fly Home!
Good thing #5
I registered to Vote in the great state of UT.
Good thing #6
To keep the good karma going, I gave blood. It took 5:08 min/sec to give.
Good thing #7
I found myself in the middle of the Seniors banquet on accident while walking home from work, making it able for me to partake of the goodness of free German Chocolate Cake Chocolate Icecream, courtesy of the graduating class of 2007.

all these people drinking lover's spit

2007-03-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

Miles (jonathan) and I have agreed that we both had the most fantastic time on the mountain yet this winter (spring?). One would think we would be pretty rusty seeing as neither of us have been boarding for over a month, but I decided that boarding is like riding a bike--it comes right back to you no matter how long it's been.
Next topic: how awesome my car is... 345 miles, three trips to SLC and still going strong on one tank of gas.

Also, it all boils down to two things when it comes to happiness--all the rest is arbitrary.
1. Clean laundry
2. Warm feet
This was decided by Deana and agreed upon by Kayte.

Thank you Timothy Hutton for an entertaining night.

it's the animal poisoning.

2007-03-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

-I spent the majority of my nights last week at the library till close.
+I went to yoga 3 time last week.
-I cut 2 inches off my head yesterday, and I had two people tell me today that it was getting so long.
+I cut my hair yesterday
+I went to a BBQ at Liberty Park yesterday.
+I turned in my 10-pager today. (I haven't written a real paper in almost 2 years, it felt good.)
-I think I lost my most favorite sweatshirt in the world on my ride home from work today.
-There are mice living in my house.
+Today's high was 75*F.
-School just needs to end.
+I got stuff in the mail today.

But seriously. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight knowing that there are things, rodents, running around my room. Sick.

i'm so lammmme. i'm building a library.

2007-03-11T00:06:00.000-07:00

My lungs are burning. (I think last night was a failed attempt to mend something that was never there.) I also think I need to fix my Schwinn frame up. All it needs is a new front wheel, some liners and new tubes. I think I'm almost done with the Raleigh. It's given me more problems than not. And the Schwinn is prettier.

(I broke down and bought 2 CD's today. I'm still waiting for the last 2 I bought. I hate Amazon.com. It will be my downfall.)
[And curse Deana (but not really) for realizing how much better something sounds if you actually own it.]

(My new W-2's need to get here soon so I can have money again. It's much better than not having money and spending it anyway.)

(Why can't I burn music like any other normal human being?)

Seriously, I came in from jumping a half hour ago, and they're still burning... What gives?

(I guess it's not a good idea to jump until, and way past, the point where you're not breathing normally-at all. Eh, I couldn't help it. Do you realize how wonderful it is tonight?)

(I might start a club? Flyers? Thoughts are moving...)

I have 100 programs to fold for church tomorrow. I have no desire to do it tonight. Looks like I'm getting up EARLY.
Also, I think my social anxiety is getting worse the older I get. I'm trying counter act this with activism in regards to my social life. Ehhhhhhh, yah, that will take some time.

Yoga heals.
Honest. This morning Shelby taught. I felt like I was doing things with my strength and bondas that I had never done before. Stretching further than I would ever desire to go. And it was okay with my body. I wish I had the time to go more.

Thinking about it today, I decided that I want a summer thats is free from the stress of working 50 million hours as previous summers have shown. (Mint Car is playing right now.) I want to be able to sleep-in if I want to. Or get up at 6am and run a few miles and not worry about having a 7:30 class. Do you think that's possible? I also will be be dedicating quality time this summer to avoiding the heat and becoming an expert at Guitar Hero.

and secretly i want to bury in the yard the grey remains of a friendship scarred

2007-03-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

I was telling someone about this night. 2am trampoline jumping is definitely the preferred method. Especially if it involves an empty street, good friends, and an over-zealous police officer. I am in the blue.

I took this picture this morning from my window by my bed when I woke up. I love what I get to wake up to everyday.
I wasn't in the sleeping mood last night. (Deana and I went to go see Casino Royale-007.)
It was NOT a productive day today. That in and of itself is tragic.

Good Night.

t to thePlease remind me to figh death if I'm ever captured by terrorists...

2007-03-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

You can now check out the current conditions of the lines at the Testing Center-oh, how convenient. I was in and out of this place in an hour today. My Chem 281 test went splendidly!

2007-03-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired. But the good news is that I'm finished with the skirt requirements for HFL 185R. It's done.
The powder up at Brighton is unbelievable.
And I've been communicating with my roommate via email because of our extreme opposite schedules. I love gmail.

ba-ba-ba-ba-like-u-crazy

2007-02-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

I was just profiled by some kid that couldn't stop talking; ate all the Cadburry Eggs I bought for Mallory and I to eat; or stop thanking me for helping me with his GIGANTIC BYUSA poster that pictured him and his running partner for the BYUSA Presidential/Executive Vice Presidential elections. I think, though I don't see what the BYUSA does, I am going to vote this year. He was spastic. Intense, and seriously, I was relieved to see him walk out the door as we flipped the open/closed sign over to read 'closed'. Not in a negative way, but rather, I needed a breath.

Vote for Jason and John.

I wish I had pictures to document the past weekend. It was so pleasing, and I'm extremely proud of myself for accomplishing the things I did...

Event 1. All-star show lined up at Muse on Friday: eden express, john whites, andy martin, tiger fire, and, dear friend, drew danburry. Most impressed by tiger fire. Sweet pop that made me smile. Recording of stops and clamps ensued afterwards (for those that don't know stops and clamps is 2am-talk for stomps and claps) for Drews upcoming album. Stomps, claps, whistles, bops, and happy noises. Stay tuned.
Even 2. Against my bodies wishes I got out of my bed at 7am Saturday morning to meet Tricia up at Brighton. In an effort to get out of the Saturday crowd's way, we stuck to the tree populated areas. We had gotten fresh snow the night before, and it was just dying to be tracked out. There is, honestly, no feeling like floating down a hill in 2 feet of powder, making fresh lines, making sure to keep movement continuous so as to not set off a mini avalanche. Laugh, but it was almost a spiritual feeling. I wish I had real pictures, but here are some off the world wide web that I thought would visualize what I'm trying to say:

I need to get into doing tons of cardio again, because the hike up Clayton peak and others just about killed me.

Sunday brought church and callings and SNOW. Deana says she won't buy shoes that she can't run to the bus stop in... Well, I ran the million miles from the parking lot to the JFSB in HEELS. I wish I had realized how cold it was when I left for church. I didn't even wear a coat. VT accomplished.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LIFE IS BEING ACCOMPLISHED.

Glutamic Acid, I love you so much...

2007-02-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

I wish I had access to my sister's camera right now. If I had access to this camera, I would post ridiculous videos of me snowboarding and wiping out. Seriously worth a look. Speaking of wiping out--I broke a branch with my side on Monday at Brighton. The 'branch' was an easy 2inches thick in diameter.

I have bigger bruises on my lower hip. It was a grand day spent with my sister, and worth the sick bruises and sore sore body.
Saturday, I spent almost 4 hours in the ER. I wanted to hurt someone. Instead I just watched Karate Kid and wished I had a Mr. Miyagi. It was a long 4 hours filled with misplaced x-rays and discovery channels: young scientist experiments just to find out I had Bronchitis.

Ever feel like people are watching you?
I can't believe I made it through this day. Music ID test I didn't study for, MicroBiology Paper I typed up at 1am last night... I guess it's true that if you just keep one foot in front of the other, you get somewhere eventually. I got home, in my bed, listening to the beatles.

The most unexpected, wonderful news: I A-ced the memorization of my chem test. And I'm quite pleased with myself. Quite. Also, more unexpected, wonderful news: I'm an aunt again! Mack Andrew Brown was born today. Impatient little fellow too. He couldn't even make it to the hospital and was born off of Exit 6 on Rt. 25 in Bridgeport, CT. This makes 8 nieces and nephews. I love my life.

"Life is nothing but the occasional burst of laughter rising above the interminable wail of grief."

2007-01-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

I won scrabble yesterday with a double two letter word: mu and ma. (The M was my last letter.) I need to better myself at that game. It would be in my best interest to do so I think.
Mom and Dad are coming out. They'll be here tonight. I get to hang with my dad all week and go snowboarding with him, and then get hugs and kisses from my mommy whom I miss soooo much. Completely stoked to see them.
I saw Dedication Saturday night up in Park City. It was wonderful. Minus the front row seat that distorted a normal view of the movie, caused me to think Mandy Moore was unattractive for short moments, and made my back kill all day yesterday.

telling the difference is like figuring out those beta and alpha bonds.

2007-01-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

Remember that one time I was in Italy? And I saw stuff like the Laocoon and the Pieta? I forget. All the time. Yesterday, I found a receipt for that gelato place down the street from St. Peter's square. Best gelato I have ever had in my life. EVER. Punto!

That was such a great day. That whole trip is one big blur. But I remember things like: our last night in Rome at the Spanish Steps. I still don't understand the fascination with those steps. There's always too many people there to even enjoy them. I remember going to market and buying blood oranges. Oh, I miss blood oranges. I love remembering things. I need to do it more often.
And I remember that defining moment in my life; this was the night. I don't remember why, but it was a night that could have gone very differently. I think Mirah saved my life in a way:

So silly how so much can change in the course of months, weeks, days. Hair today:

Gone tomorrow. My room is empty:

I hope Matt returns my dragon shirt. I left it at home and apparently he's been wearing it. I'm glad someone is enjoying it, but it's my masterpiece. And my symbol for sticking it to the man. I want it back!
Also, Mom says I can't be a loner. Ha ha.

oh, mandy

2007-01-25T15:57:00.000-07:00

I wonder where Deana has gone. I haven't seen her for maybe 3 days? A little worrysome because I live with her, but I think she's just Sundancing it too much. Next year, if I'm around, I want to be non-existent around Sundance time too. But hopefully I won't be around, and I'll be somewhere unknown to me in this world, totally oblivious to the fact thats it's Sundance time.

I was walking by the bowling ally in the Wilk, and they were playing 'Ridin Diirty'. It was too strange.

You're not a baby if you feel the world.

2007-01-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, driving home from work, some BYU shmuck ran his front end into my backend. Many of you may know that I have been hoping for a rearender to happen to me since I got my car because of the big ol' crack in the bumper my car came with. Finally, it happened. How often do these things happen? Especially when you want them to... And what kind of damage do I get? Natta. Nothing. A little bit of his paint on my back end, which can be scrapped off. Thats it.
I JUST WANT A NEW BUMPER PEOPLE! Who runs into someone's backend and doesn't leave some sort of crack or scratch? Imposterous in my opinion.

Pictures of my new androgenous hair style coming soon.

I just spent three hours driving home from Salt Lake.

.oot uoy etah i .uoy etah i

2006-12-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, and it was still POURING snow.
And I'm still here. It's one of the many tragedies in my life. GAH. PS. the plowing system here sucks.

When I picked up my board from OU, the guy there was telling me how it turned out better than any board he's grinded down=SMOOTH riding.

I cannot believe this snow.

Tomorrow:
8am Marriage and Family final
2:30 D&C final
Tuesday:
Anatomy final at some point in the day. And if I'm ambitious, (which is usually not the case, but I should state the possiblity nontheless) my Physiology final as well.
Wednesday:
Physiology final (if my ambitiousness fails).
I will be home free once I have that dreaded Physiology final overwith.

Last night preparation for a feast was started. Not really, just jambalya and pies. Joe cooked the Jambalya and I baked the pies. I baked three (3) pies. Two blueberry:

The other one has been eaten. And one apple:

There was a bit of an adventure with the apple. I grabbed the cinnamon to put in the apples. I started to sprinkle it on, and I noticed it did NOT smell like cinnamon. EHHHHHHHH...It was CUMIN. Not exactly the spice you put in apple pies. But it's nothing a LOT of sugar and cinnamon can't cover up. It adds a special something. It's the new cinnamon.

with a fist full of steal

2006-12-10T18:12:00.000-07:00

I want to grow up.
My cell phone was dropped today. For the last time. Broken in half, just like that, on the wet pavement as Blake was fixing my bike--which is no longer broken. I now use my old old Nokia. The buttons stick, and it's always telling me I have a missed call when I don't have any sort of thing.
Heather and I drove up to SLC for dinner at the sister's house. We had a conversation. It was long and animated, and it was raining/slushing/snowing outside. It was perfect. The conversation fit the weather--which, depending on how you view rain and snow, could have been good or bad--I'm not telling. (But it was satisfying.)
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It may just be my first powder day of the season. AKA, Kayte's therapy session. There is no way I'm going to class.

Lets hear it for the inversion. I love breathing stale air.

I don't suppose the river flows for me

2006-12-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

I didn't get the job with the computer labs. I'm over it. I went to see a man about a job promised to me if I wanted it. I went and I got it. I now need to talk to a man named Max to complete the hiring process. I'm looking forward to having a job on campus.
GAH last night was HELL. Not really. Just most of it. Lance bought me food. But Andrew G. is back with a vengence. The kid gets under your skin. He doesn't stop talking.
Some serious reflection has been going on in my head. It's been good. I've been convinced that I don't mentally live in Utah. I stuck somewhere between Monroe and Provo. And thats bad.
This is the chemical make-up of cocaine:

Just thought you all should know. I must go make my way to campus. I have an organic chemistry study session. I love organic chemistry. I should become a chemist. Forget nursing/midwifery.

And so it goes...

2006-12-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

I spent 6 hours in the Anatomy lab yesterday. Studying took up 5 of those hours. My last hour was spent taking my Anatomy final. I walked out smelling of phenol. The smell permeated my clothes down to my very last layer, but I'm pretty sure I also walked out of there with a more-than-satisfactory score. I forgot the muscle insertion for the Masseter. I'm hoping it's the ramus of the Mandible, but due to my current, out right rebellion against Human Anatomy, I am refusing to open my Lab Manual to find out. I'm most likely wrong, but what's half a point?

Ask me what/where any bone/muscle/vessel/nerve/organ is in the body. I dare you.

Today is my last day at work. It's like this burden is being lifted off my back. Goodbye world of print it, pack it, ship it. Goodbye and farewell.

I read this book when I was 9. It was dramatization of a little boys experience in Hawaii on December 7th, 1941. My mom made me write a book report on it. I even made this poster and glued pictures of things from the book. I hate book reports. They make me not like a book. But I remember this book, and I really liked it. Happy Pearl Harbor Day. Don't go watch the movie please-unless you like sex in a parachute.

wildcat

2006-12-04T10:58:00.001-07:00

I had a dream last night and in that dream, someone called me Kayte Kat. I haven't heard that in a long time. As I was changing into some cozy pajamas last night, I pulled out a shirt I haven't worn in a while. It's a shirt that someone(s) made for me, and although I pretty much think these someone(s) are quite crazy, I cherish the shirt. So in honor the the crazies, and in honor of the shirt and in honor of the dream and in honor of my bangs and in honor of my sweet tribal earrings and in honor of my bikeresque sunglasses:

Officially, this is the most recent picture of me. I'm going to eat some Life Cereal, and maybe some hot chocolate-Stephen's of course-because it's 11:30 and I haven't eaten the most important meal of the day.

you gave your body to the lonely

2006-11-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

Can we address the subject of sleep-talking? According to Wikipedia, sleep-talking, also known as somniloquy, runs in families. My sister talks in her sleep all the time. I found that through our joint living situation growing up. I only learned that I talked in my sleep when I moved in with my much beloved roommate, Rachel, two years ago. I've often told her to tell me to shut up when she hears me, but she insists that she is fascinated by the gibberish she hears. It was last night that I woke and kept her awake for several minutes with very involved, loud and animated talk of who is going to eat the chocolate. I really wish I could remember what I dreampt about last night...
I can recall once in my childhood an instance of my sister talking in her sleep. She seemed to be with many other people, and from what she versed, it seemed that they were sneaking around some place trying to steal something. It will always remain in my memory because she kept me captivated for several minutes in the middle of the night as she and her comrads tried to decide who would "go first". It was as if I were listening to a radio show-like back in the 40's and 50's and the world was about to end.
Sleep is such a strange thing. It seems on days when I get the most sleep, I am the most tired. And on days I get next to no sleep, I'm fine.

There is a budding romance at my job. It's almost like a movie. She rides her bike to work every day. And the other night, when it was snowing, he went out of the way to bring her home on his lunch break. Last night they worked together again. He leaves earlier than her. Her and I get off at the same time, and as we were leaving, he was waiting outside, as a surprise, to bring her home. It's such an unlikely match. She is one of the strangest people I know. Someone I like to say, "Just doesn't get it." He is an RM who looks like he's 17. He's quiet, but he smiles alot.
Brian wasn't as resistant to my resignation as I thought he would be. It almost makes me sorry to leave, but not really.
This is a blog is boring, but I did learn that Ian MacKaye IS the singer of Minor Threat, Fugazi AND Embrace--among other things of course.

used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that

2006-11-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

It's snowing.
It's snowing.

I'm putting in my two weeks today. My last day of work will be Dec. 7th.

"This may sound like gibberish to you, but... I think I'm in a tragedy."

words never rang so true.

battle of the sexes is the silliest game.

2006-11-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

people can be really lame. i wish i understood what was going on in my life. hah. i'm so laaaaammmmme.
today was the first day of the rest of my life. kinda. don't ask, actually-please do. i shot up to brighton and from 9-4 spent riding on SNOW. snow? snow. wind. snow. wind. snow. ice? sun. wind. snow. the first half of the day was blah. i don't know why. it was nice to be back on the mountain, but for some reason, my mind was somewhere else. i think it was my music selection. towards the end of the day i put in lady sov. i love how music can change attitudes.

lady sov helped me have the best 5 runs of the day. so tidgy. i'll show these boys how i can spit.
last night i purchased 2 cd's from amazon. i love amazon. it's a perfect outlet for impulse buying.
the lost sounds

and the clears

nick lowe, the modern lovers, the sonics. rock n' roll.

this is my home away from home. get used to it.

sometimes you're to blind to see anything attractively

2006-11-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

i woke up so abruptly this morning. it really bothered me. i'm a fan of the slow method of waking up. opening one eye at a time, seeing if you can still move your legs...
there's nothing worse than waking up to:
a) people yelling your name
b) a telephone ring
c) an alarm with that annoying "beep!beep!beep!"

my favorite things to wake up to is:
1) rain
2) transatlanticism

this brings us to my next subject: lack of sleep. lately i have been a culprit of zero(0) sleep. i can only function so long on 3-6 hours of sleep every night. it's my own fault of course. i love being with people. it's just disappointing. i used to be such a good little sleeper. what happend? oh yah.

i'm going to quit my job. i realized how much i hate, hate, hate wearing a uniform when, on halloween, i got to wear whatever i wanted and it was the best night of work i had had in a really long time. also, management has gotten progressively worse since i came back from vacation. people got promoted, and, inturn, turned into powertripping sons-of-bitches. it makes me really sad. i enjoy what i do, but the people i do it with are intolerable at times. i'm done.

i love cold. i love rain. i love walking home at night. i wish tricia was home. i have so many things to tell her.

the meteoroid is the rock that's devoid of the light that's propelled it to thee

2006-11-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

this morning i woke up in a joanna newsom mood. this is very convienient because i have the new album.
front:
back:

i love the human heart. i got 81% on my anatomy midterm. this is fantastic considering the minute amounts of studying i did this weekend. i love the human heart.

i want to be a staple in someones diet. think about it.
can you tell the difference between sprite and 7up? i can. i participated in a study as a favor for kaitlyn and earned a kit kat for drinking soda. awesome.

VS.

Untitled #2 fyrsta

2006-11-11T02:08:00.000-07:00

i have a small obsession with all things tragic. i'm fascinated by other people's tragedies, but nothing ever happens to me. i'm a silly girl who fantasizes about the horrific things that could happen to her. i only voice my wishes to others in small amounts. people tend to think it unhealthy. oh well. i guess it is.
i ate indian food tonight. and i ate it with my hands-well my right hand. you aren't supposed to with your left. anyway, the point is i ate it with my hands and they still smell of chicken tikka masala. it was sooo good. it easily made my night.

it's a tricky thing-eating with your hands. you have to carefully scoop your chosen food up and sweep it into umami indulgence with your thumb. the things you can do with opposable appendages...
so can we talk about kite runner now? every time i tried to start this book, i would fall asleep. today was no exception. except that i was woken up from my kite-induced sleep by my sister. i couldn't get back to sleep, so i picked the book back up, and it became mine. i'm almost finished with it. i'm enthralled with the beautiful story that it tells. i wish people in books were real.

i'll be done with it today i believe.

band of the day:

i remember lying in my bed in florence/firenze at night. the sounds of italian nightlife make it impossible to fall asleep. closing the window is not an option when there is no air circulation and the temperature is just hot enough to be borderline uncomfortable if you focused your thoughts on it. sigur ros' album () helped me achieve some restful sleep when i was endanger of the opposite. and i am a lover of sleep.

she makes me shiver she makes me shake

2006-11-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day, Guitar Romantic is simply a fucking awesome power-pop record that would've been just as relevant and engaging twenty-five years ago, and will undoubtedly be just as fun twenty-five years down the road.-pitchforkmedia.com

i just can't stop listening to it. hah. 70's-esque power-pop anyone?

in other news, this guy resigned:

and this guy is apparently taking over:

guess it helps when your best friends with the bush fam.

i woke up today and it was raining. this means it's snowing in salt lake. and that means it's snowing even more in the mountains. it is a domino effect which will lead to my eventual change in residence to brighton, utah. i'm so pathetic.
also, this morning was screaming EINSTEIN! EINSTEIN! so i gave in. i can't help but love a cinnamon and sugar bagel with strawberry creamcheese and a chai tea. yummmm. much better than a 'winterblend coffee.'

last night i saw joey. wow, i haven't seen that kid for awhile. i forgot how much i love the boy. all we ever talk about is his ever-drama-filled love life, but i love it. i'm going to teach him how to make a porkroast, "my way".

annnnnnnnnnnnnnd i bought 5 things of polaroid film last night at costco. i'm ready to tear up the streets.

reason the night is so long

2006-11-07T14:19:00.001-07:00

i'm scared. something is happening that hasn't in a really long time. i guess i'm not really scared, but i think i should be.

last night was the mt. eerie and jason anderson show. phil elvrum was wearing an amazing oversized blinged out shirt with homer simpson on it. i sincerely thought he was one of the drunks that make their way to starry night, mistaking it for the bar next door. wow. it was just so good!
it was strange-i think i know people in provo. hah. i'm saying that after almost 3 years of being here. i knew it would happen eventually... so pathetic.
a hardcore elitist/socialite of whom i've met on a couple of occasions told me we should 'hang out some time'.

drew #1, #2, #3

2006-11-06T14:59:00.000-07:00

we are alone in the world sometimes.

i felt so independent drew. independent and alone. i also looked tough.

i will tell you about joanna for a bit:

first, i parked so far away from the venue. try parking in downtown slc on a saturday night. BUT i have to give props to my magnificent parallel parking abilities. by the time i was finished there was <6 inches between both the car in front and back of me. prooving that i can get in and out of tight situations with not a problem in the world.

second, i ran into leland and his wonderful companion rachel as we were buying tickets. they invited me to join their company, so thus ended the lonely portion for the REST of the night extending to morning.

third, i'm dishonest. contrary to popular belief, i am not 21, 22, or 23. insignificant 20 is what i am. a tragic age to be when you want to get into a 21+ show. cue sister who truly is my favorite person i know. she let me borrow her id, and voila! entrance to a very good night.

fourth, joanna played with a full band. bulgarian mandolin, banjo, bass drums, accordion, saw, guitar and of course a harp. i was blown away. it was so medieval, whimsical, folksy, and i don't know what other adjectives i could insert there to describe the sound. it was, for lack of a better word, cool. she took the milk eyed mender, and blew it out of the water with Ys.

fifth, she player her previously mentioned new album, Ys, from start to finish. each song was at least 10+ minutes long. they were great. her lyrics are so involved. stories written as poetry, portrayed by music--FULL BAND MUSIC.

sixth, rachel, leland aka lander, and i went to get some food afterwards. the pie was open and rachel had never been there so we were off. one rule was established at our gathering: no manners allowed. conversations about anal cancer, burping, recycled water, double dipping and consequently mixing dips were all the rage. it was ridiculous. but i enjoyed the company immensely, restoring my faith in people once again.

seventh, i ended my night with a visit next door. i left when the sun came up.
to think i contemplated staying home.

the science of developmental biology

2006-11-04T19:10:00.000-07:00

i was thinking about you today drew. i can't remember who it was, but i was telling them about you, and how whimsical you were. today i spent $200 on new tires. can't you believe that ? i'm becoming progressively broke. and it's quite a shame. all i know is i'm not broke like you're broke, and that makes me feel a bit better about the situation. but the good news is, that despite being broke i got the velvet underground/and nico. ya know the one that andy warhol produced. i've had it on my iPod for some time, but it always feels good to own a hardcopy too. it's magnificent.
so everyone has flaked on my today. i'm going to joanna newsome at the depot in slc. 3 different people who said they were going have all went awol. so now i'm going alone. figures. i really don't care because i love joanna and i'm going. i just wish i knew someone who loved her as much as i do in the utah county area. i know if you were here, you would go with me drew. we would totally be the dorks who listened to her on the drive up AND back from the show. oh the scene i have in my head right now...

Galang-alang-alang

2006-11-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

M.I.A can take my heart.*

I just spent the majority of the day, from 9am this morning till about 20 minutes ago, on campus seriously studying or in class. I'm ready to fall into my bed. The good news is that I feel good about Chemistry 152. In lamens terms, I'm gonna kick chem152 in the balls. Like I told Sam when I saw him hurrying through the halls in the Widstoe before my Anatomy lab, life's a lot easier 2nd time around.

I'm about to bike home. Weather: 31 degrees, feels like 24 degrees.

Yay for bikes.

*no one else will.